The past week has not been a good week, I feel quite emotionally drained so I've reverted back to comfort eating and eating things I shouldn't.
You know, you wake up feeling positive about everything then it takes one little thing to bring you down. I started the year with good intentions and I'm still positive about them I just need to give my arse a really good kick. Well, I'll let Andrea do that on wednesday I think.
I'm finding it hard to deal with the 'look' of my body at the moment and I find it hard to imagine me being slim, I think because I personally cannot SEE the changes it disheartens a little. I think once I push this last few pounds I will find it easier again, it just seems like a wall is there and I have to break it down.
Anyway on a brighter note: ITS SNOWING!!!
I have been outside and I have thrown a snowball at Matthew and I did moan when he threw one at me but hey, that's what we girls do ;)
Anyway off I go to start the idea for my story (which I might mention more about eventually).
Byeee x
Monday, 21 January 2013
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Maintain!
Right so I maintained this week and I know exactly why and its my own fault. This week I'm going for 5.5lbs so I can finally get my 7 stone award.
The last few days have been pretty stressful. Everything is working out fine now but I have nothing I feel I need to say this week.
I'll be along throughout the next week though. I'm back on track 100%!!!
The last few days have been pretty stressful. Everything is working out fine now but I have nothing I feel I need to say this week.
I'll be along throughout the next week though. I'm back on track 100%!!!
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
New Year, New Start, Up to date blog!
My apologies yet again for being sucky at keeping this blog up to date. I promise that from now on it will be (yes I know you've heard it before). the reason I have started this up again is to get myself back on track as I have been slipping in recent months. I found the blog an excellent way of making sure I was 100% on target.
So here we go:
I hope people who find weight loss hard will find a little inspiration in this blog and the people who are lucky enough to be slim find the compassion to support people who need help in this fight.
OK so now for a quick overview of my current stats:
Height: 6ftish
Weight: 19stone 12lbs
Target Weight: 12 stone 6lbs
Dress Size
Tops: 16-18
Bottoms: 22
*Note - seeing these as they are gives me a sense of hope, my previous stats were:
Weight: 26stone 6.5lbs
Dress Size
Tops: 26-28
Bottoms 28-30*
Right, now I will try and update you all on the goings on in the last few months.
1. Got a boyfriend - Yes me, the fat one has a boyfriend! Woohoo! Little did we know this was going to happen. Previously I had decided to stay clear of all that but hes a great support to me and keeps me off the naughty things (chocolate, sweets etc). Plus I was feeling a little better about myself and he just made my confidence rise. So yay!
2. De-friended some old 'friends' - When you are losing weight or trying to get over your addiction you need friends who will help and stand by you not hurt you and make you feel emotionally weak. Deciding on doing something requires a lot of strength and as long as you have great friends and people around you nothing seems as hard.
3. Lost, gained, stayed the same - Weight-loss, urgh! Lets not blame it on Christmas and New Year, lets not blame it on anything but being overly greedy and eating to much. I'm happy to announce that I didn't gain to much but now I have to admit to a friend that he was right!!! Damn the alcohol!
4. New support network - I mean I still have my old one but now I have a new extended one. Since getting with my partner his family have become a source of strength, helping me with my weight-loss and welcoming me into their home and family. I can honestly say the latter part of 2012 was the best part of the year because of these people. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope I make you all proud.
5. Slimming World - I admit I was slacking for a time but I never left and I am now back in the saddle and am happy that the group welcome me back each week. Its hard, especially now I'm going on my own but it has to be done. Thank you all for making it easier.
6. Job - Now I'm not 100% ready to go back to work but I've been applying for jobs in the hope that between now and then I will get a nice job job and can start straight away. This is a big step for me as previous the thought of work made me hide under the duvet for a week. I'm glad to announce that my social anxiety is finally coming down.
So my plans for now and the future look a little brighter. I am determined to get as close to target by Christmas 2013. That's around another 7 stone. I feel I can do it now. I'm getting help for my back pain so hopefully I will be out jogging by April.
I decided to make a list of all the things I want to achieve this year. I know all wont be possible straight away but I hope that if I concentrate on one thing the rest will fall into place eventually. Fingers crossed.
Goals:
To get to target by Christmas (or as close to).
To get into my size 14 jeans by May
To get a job
I think that's enough for now!
I've probably bored you rigged so I'm going to stop here. I will post tomorrow as its weigh in day and I know you are all keen to find out!
See you tomorrow!
Friday, 6 July 2012
Perfect... or not?
First of all, my apologies for not keeping this up to date like I said I was. My weight loss has been pretty up in the air at the moment, I think I am in one of my slumps. We all get them, we are only human after all.
Everyone is unique but we are all the same in one way... our feelings. Everyone has them, everyone needs them, everyone battles them and everyone, at some point, tries to hide them.
For instance. The fact that I am in love with someone who, really, I know will never love me. But I can't help it, I've discussed this with him and unfortunately, I am not perfect enough for him. Perfect being the main word. But what is 'perfect' really?.
Is perfect someone with good looks? a nice body? someone you can just talk too? someone with a great personality? someone who'd do just about anything for you? What is it really?
People say personality matters, but overall, it doesn't. If you don't have the pretty face or the perfect figure, a lot of people won't give you a second look.
The thing is, we all look for perfection. You may think you want to be with some hot looking guy with a good body, but chances are, this person will hurt you, yet in the sidelines is someone waiting to be with you, who, you don't give a second look too. Why? You know it hurts when this hot guy turns you away, yet you turn away the guy who wants to give you the world, just because he isn't perfect.
Now, if this guy actually opened his eyes and stopped looking through the 'perfect' glasses, maybe he'd see that all the perfection is in front of him, even with its flaws.
Flaws are what make us human, they are what make us different from everyone else, who really wants to be the same as the next person? Life would be so boring right?
I have to hold my hands up and admit that for a short time I lost track of why I wanted to lose weight. Originally it was for me, recently it has been to make someone else happy and unfortunately that has lead to me straying off my plan. I've got back on track now, my head is in the right place again.
I'm not perfect, I never will be. I don't want too be!
Be your own person and don't let your feelings spiral out of control, you'll only end up self-destructive.
Peace!
Everyone is unique but we are all the same in one way... our feelings. Everyone has them, everyone needs them, everyone battles them and everyone, at some point, tries to hide them.
For instance. The fact that I am in love with someone who, really, I know will never love me. But I can't help it, I've discussed this with him and unfortunately, I am not perfect enough for him. Perfect being the main word. But what is 'perfect' really?.
Is perfect someone with good looks? a nice body? someone you can just talk too? someone with a great personality? someone who'd do just about anything for you? What is it really?
People say personality matters, but overall, it doesn't. If you don't have the pretty face or the perfect figure, a lot of people won't give you a second look.
The thing is, we all look for perfection. You may think you want to be with some hot looking guy with a good body, but chances are, this person will hurt you, yet in the sidelines is someone waiting to be with you, who, you don't give a second look too. Why? You know it hurts when this hot guy turns you away, yet you turn away the guy who wants to give you the world, just because he isn't perfect.
Now, if this guy actually opened his eyes and stopped looking through the 'perfect' glasses, maybe he'd see that all the perfection is in front of him, even with its flaws.
Flaws are what make us human, they are what make us different from everyone else, who really wants to be the same as the next person? Life would be so boring right?
I have to hold my hands up and admit that for a short time I lost track of why I wanted to lose weight. Originally it was for me, recently it has been to make someone else happy and unfortunately that has lead to me straying off my plan. I've got back on track now, my head is in the right place again.
I'm not perfect, I never will be. I don't want too be!
Be your own person and don't let your feelings spiral out of control, you'll only end up self-destructive.
Peace!
Thursday, 14 June 2012
6 stone weight loss - HELL YEAH!
So yesterday I finally got my 6 stone weight loss award, this has spurred me on to do much more. People I know, look at me and tell me how much better I look, and slimmer, and healthier but I just don't see it myself. I mean I notice in my clothes but if I look in the mirror I look the same as I did 2 years ago.
Losing weight isn't easy, its not meant to be, I mean I've fallen of the hypothetical wagon a few times, it happens. I wish it was easy then we'd all be slim and looking great but then it wouldn't be fun getting on the scales each week. Yes, I love getting on the scales, even when I've had a bad week, sometimes you can be surprised.
I know some people are pretty gutted when they worked so hard and haven't lost anything, but you need to keep at it, try not to get disheartened, I know its hard but some things can't be helped.
Ok so as I said a few days ago I want to do a bit of ranting so if you don't want to read it, skip to the end.
Le Rant:
I hate I hate I hate how fickle and stupid some people are, I get that a lot of people aren't interested in losing weight and are happy how they are (I mean really... are they?). But don't flaunt it all over TV and in the newspapers; You make the rest of us, who are working hard, look bad.
Take for instance: A woman who is having a wedding dress made and needs 45ft of material - yet she's so happy about her size (I think its 36 stone atm) that she's wanting to get to 115 stone to 'beat' the world record. WHAT?!? What about your health? Seriously people are silly. She can't honestly be serious.
Then there is the woman who accidentally smothered a kitten because it got lodged in her fat, now this woman want to lose weight. Poor kitty! :(
I just don't understand it and it makes me so mad. As most of you know I have this 'social phobia' illness. I won't go to busy places and I won't go out on my own. Its hard to really explain why I feel like I can't but I'll try:
In my head, people look at me and see a tall, ugly, fat girl. They whisper and giggle about it. Some even shout names across the road. I hate people looking at me, I hate what goes through my head thinking about what goes through their's. Part of me knows they probably aren't thinking anything, or laughing at me but its the other part that wins the battle, so I panic and have to leave. I had laser eye surgery because I didn't want to be the tall, ugly, fat girl with glasses.
So the reason why news articles and TV shows that show 'fat' people and tell us how much they eat, annoy me, is because I feel that people look at me and think I'm the same as them. But I'm not. If I ate 10 pieces of toast in a morning followed by 2 chocolate bars, I honestly think I'd die. But people on the outside don't see that and I can hardly wear a t-shirt saying 'Hey I'm not the same as on TV and I've lost 6 stone so far' can I? So it is hard for me and I do probably get a bit more annoyed than I should, but that's just me.
Right, so the last few months have been challenging; I'm trying to beat my depression and weight loss AND social phobia. Eventually it will all slot into place though. I joined the gym recently and I've actually been! I do go out a bit more than I used too, I spend less time at the PC. Its all about the baby steps.
It makes me happy to think people are being so supportive and it spurs me on to reach me target. A few people have been my lifelines and put up with all my drama!
I'd just like to thank everyone who reads this and the people who inspire me to do better (you guys know who you are).
*Hugs and loves*
'till next time.
Losing weight isn't easy, its not meant to be, I mean I've fallen of the hypothetical wagon a few times, it happens. I wish it was easy then we'd all be slim and looking great but then it wouldn't be fun getting on the scales each week. Yes, I love getting on the scales, even when I've had a bad week, sometimes you can be surprised.
I know some people are pretty gutted when they worked so hard and haven't lost anything, but you need to keep at it, try not to get disheartened, I know its hard but some things can't be helped.
Ok so as I said a few days ago I want to do a bit of ranting so if you don't want to read it, skip to the end.
Le Rant:
I hate I hate I hate how fickle and stupid some people are, I get that a lot of people aren't interested in losing weight and are happy how they are (I mean really... are they?). But don't flaunt it all over TV and in the newspapers; You make the rest of us, who are working hard, look bad.
Take for instance: A woman who is having a wedding dress made and needs 45ft of material - yet she's so happy about her size (I think its 36 stone atm) that she's wanting to get to 115 stone to 'beat' the world record. WHAT?!? What about your health? Seriously people are silly. She can't honestly be serious.
Then there is the woman who accidentally smothered a kitten because it got lodged in her fat, now this woman want to lose weight. Poor kitty! :(
I just don't understand it and it makes me so mad. As most of you know I have this 'social phobia' illness. I won't go to busy places and I won't go out on my own. Its hard to really explain why I feel like I can't but I'll try:
In my head, people look at me and see a tall, ugly, fat girl. They whisper and giggle about it. Some even shout names across the road. I hate people looking at me, I hate what goes through my head thinking about what goes through their's. Part of me knows they probably aren't thinking anything, or laughing at me but its the other part that wins the battle, so I panic and have to leave. I had laser eye surgery because I didn't want to be the tall, ugly, fat girl with glasses.
So the reason why news articles and TV shows that show 'fat' people and tell us how much they eat, annoy me, is because I feel that people look at me and think I'm the same as them. But I'm not. If I ate 10 pieces of toast in a morning followed by 2 chocolate bars, I honestly think I'd die. But people on the outside don't see that and I can hardly wear a t-shirt saying 'Hey I'm not the same as on TV and I've lost 6 stone so far' can I? So it is hard for me and I do probably get a bit more annoyed than I should, but that's just me.
Right, so the last few months have been challenging; I'm trying to beat my depression and weight loss AND social phobia. Eventually it will all slot into place though. I joined the gym recently and I've actually been! I do go out a bit more than I used too, I spend less time at the PC. Its all about the baby steps.
It makes me happy to think people are being so supportive and it spurs me on to reach me target. A few people have been my lifelines and put up with all my drama!
I'd just like to thank everyone who reads this and the people who inspire me to do better (you guys know who you are).
*Hugs and loves*
'till next time.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Update and a promise.
Right so, been kinda slacking on this front I really need to get back to it.
Since my last blog I've managed to hit my 6 stone weight loss. I have decided that 10 stone may not be enough so now am setting my sights on 15 stone in total.
Recently (as of last week), I have joined the dreaded G word (gym), although it wasn't as bad as I thought (well who is about at 6am really?).
The classes I'm taking part in are: Yoga, Aqua Zumba and Aqua tone then going to the gym in between. I do feel so much healthier and my skin feels better.
Tomorrow I will give you all a bit of my ranting but I'm too tired tonight.
Love you all. xx
Ps: The promise is to keep this thing updated!!!
Since my last blog I've managed to hit my 6 stone weight loss. I have decided that 10 stone may not be enough so now am setting my sights on 15 stone in total.
Recently (as of last week), I have joined the dreaded G word (gym), although it wasn't as bad as I thought (well who is about at 6am really?).
The classes I'm taking part in are: Yoga, Aqua Zumba and Aqua tone then going to the gym in between. I do feel so much healthier and my skin feels better.
Tomorrow I will give you all a bit of my ranting but I'm too tired tonight.
Love you all. xx
Ps: The promise is to keep this thing updated!!!
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Saturday Night 08/01/12
I hate it... when depression hits you like a slap in the face. I've been great for a few weeks now all of a sudden I feel crappy.Urgh, why does this happen?
Well to savour my craving for kitkats, I had one.. well maybe eight... tonight and I feel sick. I didnt want them all I just... meh I dunno, greedyness comes into it right? Or is it? Maybe I just wanted something to make me feel better but it backfired and made me feel worse. Well I've learnt my lesson. Hope weigh in this week isnt too bad. But we will see.
I'm feeling lonely, yeah think thats it. Lonely, fat and unloved. I'm on the verge of crying and feeling more than slightly sorry for myself.
I hope this is a phase that doesnt last too long, I really hate feeling like this.
That huge hole I see myself in... well I feel like I'm slipping back into it.
Anyway, enough... Night guys.
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